Rebuilding Productivity and Finding Certainty: A Personal Journey through Tragic Times

(Photo by Glenn Carstens-Peters on Unsplash)

On the 9th of December 2022, late at night, when I had returned from a personal feat of a vacation barely week before feeling accomplished and ready to take on the world. Little did I know that a tragic news awaited me — my parent had passed away. The timing couldn’t have been more unexpected, as I had a fully booked personal calendar and plans for the next few months. Numbness enveloped me as I contemplated the challenges ahead, realizing that I would have to travel immediately, cancel numerous commitments and apologize to many people, especially those in the place I called home.

Within a few hours, I found myself on a journey back to my hometown, hopping flights through chaotic 27 hours without sleep. The following two weeks proved to be a humbling experience. Rituals and ceremonies consumed my days, with barely any comfortable sleep in between. It became evident that there was no returning to my calendar or my usual way of life. The impact of shock, numbness, pain, and sleep deprivation reshaped my perspective. Four weeks later, I was still immersed in paperwork, navigating through bureaucracy, obtaining digital IDs, managing the paperwork of my deceased parent, and engaging in a series of rituals that felt unfamiliar.

Growing up in the late 80s and early 90s, I had been shielded from what was considered “wasteful” religious or cultural rituals, with the emphasis on study and ambition. However, this experience prompted me to question the significance, meaning, and origins of these rituals. I engaged in conversations with priests who explained the intricate details and translated complex Sanskrit shlokas into Hindi for me. It wasn’t about becoming a religious fanatic or delving into metaphysics — it was about discovering the contextual relationships and understanding the customs that had shaped our culture.

In an unexpected way, I found myself grateful for the timing of my parent’s departure. It allowed me to be fully present during those weeks, thanks to the support of my employer and my personal life being at a point where I could dedicate my undivided attention to my mother. She had felt alone and had been acting as if her time to depart was imminent any moment next.

As someone who had previously embraced social connections, actively participating in over 160 group chats, my network shrunk to a mere eight people during this period. Upon my return, I felt socially awkward, shy, and often remained silent. Life continued to throw challenges my way, such as housing damage when I had planned to host my mother comfortably. It was yet another instance of dealing with chaos. Friends invited me to social gatherings, including bar meets, intimate dinners, concerts, board games, and even karaoke. Each event became an opportunity to rebuild myself, embracing a fresh calendar and a new context.

During this phase, I also observed who stayed in communication and discovered that some had made acted strange behind my back that they would not have made in my active presence. However, the silence allowed me to discern the value-based connections I sought and recognize those who remained steadfast. Encouraged by this realization, I took a bold step and delivered my first public talk on the CARVER matrix during the last week of March 2023 at a local Toastmasters meetup. It was an opportunity to practice speaking up after a long period of silence about the planning technique called CARVER matrix I was taught long ago by someone I regarded as my mentor. Though I stumbled and fumbled, I managed to summon the energy to share the message of CARVER — a framework that had guided me throughout my journey of rebuilding amidst uncertainty.

In the face of tragedy, uncertainty, and loss, the CARVER matrix had provided structure and clarity. It enabled me to plan for impact and prioritize my actions, helping me regain a sense of productivity and find a semblance of certainty in a world turned upside down. As I continue on this path of rebuilding, I am reminded of the power of resilience and the importance of embracing change. Life may throw unexpected challenges our way, but with the right tools and mindset, we can navigate through them and emerge stronger than before.

CARVER stands for

• C: Criticality — How important is the target?
• A: Accessibility — How easy is it to reach the target?
• R: Recuperability — How quickly can the target recover from an attack?
• V: Vulnerability — How susceptible is the target to damage or destruction?
• E: Effect — How much impact would an attack on the target have?
• R: Recognizability — How easily can the target be identified?

CARVER analysis is summarised in a six-column, five-row matrix. The Internet can tell you how to use CARVER for everything from picking up dates to writing a grocery list and I had tried to use that a few times in picking right people and skills around me, and filter off the rest.

If you are more interested, Richard Macowicz in his book has written about using it in most situations in life, simplifying further that grading one’s choices by Criticality & Effect-on-goal/Happiness is enough: one needn’t do the entire matrix, as these 2 elements are the most significant, he says. But in my opinion, to add some fun with little possibility of getting distracted, if you are a perseverant person like I call myself, do add “R — Recognizability” along in your quest, which essentially means how willing are you to pursue your target state and how much time you are willing to stay clueless about it, till you figure out while being perseverant!

While traditional planning techniques like Progressive Elaboration lets you not plan all in advance, CARVER lets you plan for impact. If impact and happiness is your thing, CARVER should be your planning tool.

CARVER is an example of teaching smart minds how to think, not what to think. It is a framework to organise your thoughts to plan a mission. It is a tool only useful to the creative and intelligent mind, but properly employed, it can change the fate of nations, so use it for good if you want to. Think of yourself on a mission, but use your powers for good !